I am a black woman. I am lesbian—identifying as stud. I am black belt born and raised in Alabama. I am college educated. From these facts you can’t gather much of anything. Yet, somedays I feel as though i have to choose which identity i want to align with.
Would I like to be a black woman today? Or would I like to be a black lesbian?
Would I like to be southern woman today? Or would I like to be that gay ass stud who “thinks I’m a man” because of the way I appear?
You choose the combo. I’ll let you know which one works for me today.
Understand that I ask that in all sarcasm. But it’s an honest peek into how I feel most days. It isn’t because I’m jaded in any way, it’s just that I feel like in the current world that we live in, I have to choose what I want to be and only align with that identity.
In reality every single one of my identities is of equal sum of importance to that which makes me who I am while also making me what I am.
I knew I was gay long before I realized what that meant. Most of my gay friends are the same. I “officially” told my mom around the time I was in the 5th grade. By the time I hit middle school, I was flirting with girls who didn’t understand that I was flirting. And when I was high school, I was among the few “out” gay people there. Did I ever “come out” to classmates and friends? No. I never had to. They just knew. And that’s something that I wish was the normal. Why do LGBT people have to make a formal announcement of some sort? But that’s besides the point, and that was so not the aim of this writing. Back to that…
Being a black, masculine identifying lesbian, college-educated woman from the South is a lot—in Alabama at least. Every essence of my being has always been something that has had to be voted for or against nearly every decade—even when it’s almost 2014. If it’s any indication of where the state of the world is going then I can only imagine that this ride will get bumpier than anything I could ever imagine. One that I am honestly not ready for, but I have to be.
God’s looking out for me
even when i don’t think He is.
that’s why I’m grateful.
and that’s what makes Him amazing.